WInter Update!

The Winter break and a busy festive period awaits which as always marks a half-way mark in the local season. For the my fellow Lizards and I it's been a good term, a mixed bag of course, but all in all a good term. This is a really quick summary of the season so far and the positives / negatives we were able to take out of each week in terms of football and life itself.

And so it began...

With a hard fought 3-0 victory over Team Punishment after a pre-season riddled with highs and lows. Goals from Rumble, Dawson and yours truly still failed to overshadow an impregnable display from Harper in goal which earned our eternal respect and spread confidence throughout the side. Good week, good start.

An emotional weekend...

For myself it was certainly this. As I lay haplessly in bed on the other side of the Atlantic nursing a terrible New York karoke hangover for which I was condemned for constantly in the press; the Lizards did battle with Woo Woo and emerged triumphant thanks to goals from Dawson (2) and Captain for the day, Bloomfield. It's always good to know that ones comrades can conduct themselves successfully in your own absence. However I returned from the U.S not the peace and tranquility that I had left, but to reports of indulgence, disrepute and chaos. It appeared that whilst my absence had been a non-event of the pitch; it sowed the seeds of destruction within my own house of female companions which the band of idiots I call my own team corrupted, encouraged and misled their innocent souls. Good win, but shame on you all for this particular debacle.

Forgiven and forgotten...
Having been bewildered as to how such lunacy could unfold the minute I had taken my eye off the ball the previous week; I returned with my own agenda and proved my point on the pitch with 2 assists and 2 goals. My goalkeeper was painted green, my vice captain could not see anything and my defenders looked as if they were about to be sick. Harper, McRae, Bloomfield and Dawe - change! Despite apparently having a lot of cleaning up to do we beat the Rounders 6-0 with Dawson (2), McRae and Bloomfield adding to my own brace. Unfortunately this was followed by broken glasses, raucus chanting and scenes of total mayhem in the Soak afterwards - once again proving that the drinking culture of the Lizards may well be their downfall.

What goes around comes around...

Having handed out a couple of wallopings and been a little arrogant in light of the seeming ability to turn up still drunk and still win - it was time for us to be brought colliding back with Planet Earth by Outer Milan. Well Matt couldn't see anything because he was so drunk, Bloomfield still couldn't talk properly, and I couldn't see breathe - and you need to be able to in order to play football which is the big lesson we learned this weekend. 5-1 was the final score with Rumble and myself legitimising claims over our own imparred vision with a rash display of finishing and our fitness levels led to a total capitulation which meant Bloomfields goal was all but consolation.

The lowest ebb

It was a bizare game of football this one - I can't remember being that hungover although there is a chance that someone was. Yes they were it was McRae now I remember, which explains why the pair of us had such howlers. We weren't the worst performers on the pitch though - that title was awarded to a referee who had no idea that an indirect freekick means that the ball has to move before someone smashes it into the corner and claims it as some kind of genius. Not happy bunnies after this one - but we got our heads down and...

GOT TOTALLY WASTED IN OTHER PARTS OF THE COUNTRY!

Yes, yes, yes I was out of my head in Blackpool the night before, Matt the same in Newcastle the only one of us who really looked sober was ironically Bloomfield who played a stormer and scored as we earned a solid 1-0 with me as a makeshift goalkeeper. Was carnage on the streets of Birmingham which meant most of us were late for the game and were quoted by the vice captain as having "not enough" players. Still had a nice quiet, chilled evening after the game and looked like a football team once again - when we were finally all present and correct.

Back to winning ways before Christmas!


Good performance from the boys- 2 clinical finishes from Dawson, nice goal from McRae, cheeky one from yours truly. No one too battered the night before apart from me and Bloomfield who in an unfortunate set of circumstances were seen walking through the university at 2.30am in the morning with traffic cones on our heads. I maintain that I used effective leadership skills by dragging him away from a steam roller which he had really set his heart on driving into a wall. Issue yes, good win yes, problems no!

Merry Christmas boys!